Suckster! Suckster!
Suckster!
Suckster! Suckster!
- What a schmuck. - Don't worry, Chris. You're gonna be fine.
Well, it looks like I was
- in the right place at the right time, Miss... - Yeah.
Palamino? Jamie Palamino.
- Dusty Dinkleman? - Yeah.
Actually, I go by "Dusty Lee" now, but yeah.
- "Dutty Nee?" - Thanks for saving me.
Yay, Dusty!
- You remember Chris Brander? - Eeh.
- Boo... - Oh, yeah.
Seen better days, I guess, pal?
Hey, listen, I don't want to make this weird,
but you look incredible.
- So do you. - Really glad you dropped in.
Cool...
Sorry about that, buddy.
Here we go.
Late '20s. Male Caucasian
with multiple lacerations on lower mandible and possible concussion.
Transport en route, over.
- 10-4. - So, Jamie,
- you still living in town? - Oh, yeah, I just moved back.
Oh, really? Me too.
- It's a small world. - No kidding.
Jeez, you know,
I cannot get over how great you look.
Oh, pfft. Me? Look at you!
Yeah, I guess my skin cleared up
and I lost my stammer,
but I still play a mean guitar.
I'm actually only doing this part-time till I can make it in music.
You know, Chris is in the music business too. He could probably help you.
Oh, hey. Easy there, Gretzky.
You know, we should hang out, you know, have lunch sometime?
I would love to have lunch.
Um, where can I give you my phone number?
Just write it on this.
Jamie Palamino.
This is bullshit!
You haven't aged a peep.
What do you know about Dusty Dinkleman?
- You mean Dusty Lee? - Yeah.
Works in the building, drives ambulance. Why?
Well check this out. So I'm out with Jamie again...
Another day date?
Yes. Anyway,
we're having a great time
and then Dusty shows up out of nowhere,
and then Jamie gives him her number.
Hey, didn't Dusty have like a huge crush on Jamie?
Yeah, you got some
competition there, Chris. I mean, Dusty is a really nice guy.
Yeah, well Jamie doesn't date nice guys.
She puts them in the friend zone
and then tortures the shit out of them.
I don't know. Jamie's come a long way since high school.
I think she might be maturing.
Maturing?
So that's why she went with Dusty.
She wants a sensitive guy...
more like the old me.
Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers,
then I'm going to show her
the biggest pussy she's ever seen.
Yeah.
Okay, we're done. Now...
you're gonna need to wear this for the next few days
until those stitches are ready to come out.
And here you go. Just like your old yearbook picture.
¶ Feel my love from afar. ¶
Come in!
- Can I come in? - I just said that.
I brought magazines.
Ugh, these are old.
- Flowers? - Those are daisies.
- How about snacks? - Carbs? Are you kidding me?
I can't eat that crap.
I'm just trying to be helpful.
Well you're not. So vamoose.
- I guess I'll just leave you now. - No, wait wait.
I'm sorry I'm being such a biatch.
It's just that I'm supposed to be in Paris and I'm not,
and I'm going out of my mind with boredom!
I mean, my Sidekick broke and l...
I haven't had sex in, like, forever.
And I'm so horny.
I'm horny.
Wait a minute.
- How old are you? - I'm 22... 20... 19...
I'm... I'm 18.
Eighteen.
So do you really have my poster on your wall?
- Yeah. - Do you ever like...
All the time.
How many times in a day?
- Eight. - Eight?!
Eight? Oh my God, that's hot.
- You're hot. - I know, I know.
- Oh, ow. - Are you okay?
Oh, my back is killing me.
Oh, I could give you a massage.
Oh, would you mind?
Not at all.
- I'm naked. - You're naked.
Do you have any oil?
Right back.
What took you so long?
- Show me what you've got, baby. - Okay.
Baby, ooh!
Ooh, more more!
- Okay, enough. Enough! - Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Merry Christmas, neighbor.
- Ooh, yeah. - Mikey likey,
- Mikey likey, Mikey likey, Mikey likey... - Yeah...
Oh! Where the hell have you been?!
I was getting you food.
- Are you wearing braces? - It's not braces.
It's a retainer and it's not that bad.
- Ha, you look like a doofus! - Doofus!
Doofus! Doofus!
Doof...
Chris?
Mommy.
So pretty.
Honey, look what just came for you.
It's a "Get well soon" card from Jamie.
- Boo. - Oh yeah?
What do you think of that?
It's hugs and kisses, dude. Mom writes that on my cards.
That's because I love you both so much.
Thanks, Mommy.
Oh, God.
Truce!
Total pussy.
You're the biggest pussy on planet Earth.
It's you.
- Hello? - Jamie!
- Chris! How are you feeling? - So much better.
Listen, I know it's Christmas Eve,
- but do you have any plans tonight? - No.
Well...
the revival theater in town
is showing Nicholas Sparks's "The Notebook."
- Hello? I'm on the phone. - Really you want to see "The Notebook"?
Yes, because I love sentimental tear-jerkers.
I'm gonna friggin' puke.
Just a second.
- You are so dead. Do you hear me? - Whatever, dude.
- What're you doing over there? - Faggot.
- Nothing. - That's my call-waiting. One second.
- So, anyway... - Hello?
- Hey, Jamie. It's Dusty. - Hey, Dusty.
Hey, listen, just...
Dude, I think she left you hanging.
It's probably just an important business call. Get off the phone.
- What, the bar ran out of curly fries? - Get off the phone.
Dude, are you gonna boink Jamie tonight?
Yes. Are you happy now?
All right.
- Dude, "The Notebook"'s so gay. - Get off the phone!
- Sorry about that. - That's okay.
- So anyway, what do you say? - About what?
Going to a movie tonight? Then maybe later
we can go for some... herbal tea.
Okay, sure.
Um... You know what? You're on my way to the theater.
Why don't I pick you up at like 7:30?
- It's a date. - Homo.
- Bye for now. - Bye.
Mom! Mom! Truce!
Paris, here we come!
- But I'm not ready to play a gig. - Of course you are.
No. No.
No!
- This is a bad idea, Chris. - God, I'm so stupid!
- No you're not, baby. - Here I am, trying to nurture this artist,
yet you're this pop bubblegum sensation,
and that's okay.
Paris, here we come!
But I am an artist. I am an artist!
Hey! I am an artist!
- Let's go do this. - Are you ready for this?
I was born ready, bitch.
- I'm really excited about this. - Yeah, me too.
- Yeah. - Okay, let's do this.
Yeah.
- Hey! Wait! You're not coming with me? - Of course I am.
Mike's just giving you a ride to the gig.
I'm gonna stay here, I'm gonna do some administrative work
and I'm gonna meet you there.
It's open mic night at The Coffee House.
Coffee House is lame, dude. Come on...
all right!
Think fast. Boop!
¶ And I swear ¶
- ¶ By the moon and the stars... ¶ - Jesus.
- ¶ In the skies... ¶ - Looks like the Michael Bolton starter kit.
¶ I'll be there ¶
¶ And I swear ¶
¶ Like a shadow that's by your side. ¶
Showtime.
Come on! How long does it...
- Mistletoe. - Hello.
- Oh my God! - Jamie! How are you?
You've grown into such a beautiful young woman,
hasn't she, Chris?
Ding-dong.
Dusty. Hey. Why?
Are you kidding, man? I love "The Notebook".
I mean, listen, I know it might sound
a little corny, maybe even a little femme,
but I find something so resplendent
in the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks' writing, you know what I mean?
Nice outfit, by the way. Rock and roll.
Carol?
Oh my God.
- Carol... - Dusty, oh my goodness.
- This is old-home week. - Oh, absolutely.
- Is it okay that Dusty came? - Oh, it's awesome that Dusty came.
Thank you. - Okay.
...in the hospital. We got... - Dust!
Hey, let's hit the road.
Well, you kids have fun.
Oh, Carol, why don't you come join us?
She's vacuuming.
W-well, I'd love to, but l... I wouldn't want to impose.
- Oh, no imposition at all! - No.
We'd love to have you, wouldn't we, Chris?
Yeah, rad. Awesome.
Mom's coming. That's good.
- There's a group now. - Yes!
- It was us. It was us. - Oh, my darling.
Oh my sweetheart.
I love you so much.
- How much time do we have? - I'm not sure.
Last time it was no more than five minutes.
I love you, angel.
What happened to me?
This is so gay.
Oh, Dusty...
Son of a bitch!
Peanut.
No.
¶ Forgiveness... ¶
Show us your tits!
- ¶ Is more than saying sorry. ¶ - Hey! Ashlee Simpson!
Forgive this!
Dusty, what kind of car is this?
Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.
I think it's so neat that you kids
care about the environment.
- I love the environment. - But honey, don't you drive
a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?
Well, I had a really nice time tonight,
and I hope we can do it again soon.
Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.
Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really.
Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.
And hey, before I forget, make sure
that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay?
Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool
with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!
- Christopher, put that back. - Put it back!
Thanks.
Hey, anyone want some cocoa?
Oh, Carol, you are so sweet!
And I would love to do that, except I volunteered at the hospital
so that Paul could spend Christmas Eve with his family.
- So, I kinda gotta get going. - Aw.
That's a drag. God!
Hey, Jamie, what about you?
- Ready? - Give me a Cougar roar. Cougar roar!
Aw.
Cookie Monster says the Cougars are
great big cookies
at the top of the jar.
Ladies and Gentleman, the amazing Chris Brander.
Oh my gosh, I remember this.
He juggles three tennis balls, but gets bored very quickly
and wants something else.
Clear!
No kissing!
That's right, Jamie Palamino,
you're my best friend!
I love you, Chris Brander. Mwha!
Mwha, mwha, mwha!
Oh, your mom's car. You see, this is more like you.
Yeah, I'm gonna take it back to L.A.
- What? - Guess what I found?
- No, the tape I made you? - 1995.
- "The Summer of Like." - Put it in.
¶ Dun-nun-de-dun de-dun-dun-dun ¶
Oh, God.
- Oh! - Oh my God,
I just peed a little.
- Good night, guys. - Good night, Chris.
What's up?
- Little problem. - Where are you?
- The Metal Shop. - What?!
- That's it, bitch. It's on! - Come on!
I'm gonna kill you! Not so funny now, bitch?!
- Not so funny now?! - I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
¶ Christmas, Christmas, the happiest day of the year... ¶
Kudos on the Christmas cookies, Mom.
Thanks, pumpkin. I'll be back in an hour.
¶ Where sleigh bells ringing and go jingle-ling ¶
¶ As we're dashing through the snow ¶
¶ Christmas, Christmas ¶
¶ So, Jesus, hear our song... ¶
- What's up, Dude? - Quiet, she's sleeping.
I'm going over to Jamie's.
- Did you boink her yet? - Shut it.
If she wakes up, tell her I went to meet Bono.
- You're gonna meet Bono? I wanna come. - No, you walking void,
it's a lie, but if she wakes up just tell her I'll be back in a bit.
- Fine! - Fine!
- I love you. - I love you too.
¶ Christmas, Christmas ¶
- ¶ The happiest day of the year ¶ - Mike!
Oh, God!
¶ Spreading Christmas cheer ¶
¶ We wish you a Merry Christmas ¶
¶ We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ¶
This is pathetic!
¶ Good tidings we bring, to you and your kin ¶
¶ Good tidings for Christmas ¶
- ¶ And a Happy New Year ¶ - Oh shit!
Thank you, guys. Thank you.
Encore! Encore! Encore!
Okay, all right, one more time.
- One more time. Okay. - Oh yeah!
Here we go. You guys, you know,
Christmas is the time for giving.
And the most precious gift that you can give...
- is your heart. - Aww.
Jamie Palamino, this is my gift to you.
¶ When Jamie smiles ¶
¶ It takes me miles ¶
¶ From where I feel unsure ¶
¶ When Jamie smiles ¶
¶ I realize ¶
¶ She's no ordinary girl ¶
¶ No ordinary girl ¶
- Where's Chris?! - I'll never tell you anything!
Oh yeah?
- He's with his lover. - ¶ Deck the halls with bows of holly ¶
¶ 'Tis the season to be jolly ¶
Dude, Jamie's outside. What are you doing up here?
I'm getting my butt kicked by Dinkleman,
that's what I'm doing up here.
You see him play that guitar? It's like he has 15 fingers.
Everybody loves him. I can't compete with this guy.
You can't compete with this... are you kidding me?
You're Chris Brander! You're Hollywood. You date models!
He's Jersey. He skis in his jeans!
It's Dinkleman.
It's Dusty Dinkleman.
- Dinkleman. - Dinkleman.
- Dinkleman!
- Dinkleman. - Dinkleman's going down.
Dinkleman... is going way down.
Atta boy.
Now you get out there and you tell Jamie how you feel!
- Let's do this. - Atta boy.
Good ol' Chris Brander, ladies and gentlemen!
¶... Iooked down on the Feast of Stephen ¶
¶ When the snow lay round about ¶
¶ Deep and crisp and even ¶
¶ Brightly shone the moon that night ¶
¶ Though the frost was cruel ¶
What the...
¶ It's the most wonderful time of the year... ¶
The jig is up! Run!
You son of a bitch!
Samantha! You're here! Shit!
There she is. There's the little slut
you've been banging behind my back!
- Me? - Not you, wrinkles. Her!
- Who are you? - Oh...
- I'm Samantha James, bitch! - Don't shove me!
- You're a whore! Santa's little whore! - Get off!
- Santa's little whore! - Cat fight!
- Get out! - You're gonna pay for this.
I'm gonna get you fired!
Hope you enjoy unemployment, dickweed!
Get off me, God boy!
But Samantha, What about the words to your song? "Forgiveness"!
Forgive this, asshole.
Oh...
I hate this town!
Call me.
- Chris? - Yeah.
- Little problem. - Hm?
Duck!
- Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho! - No! Not Santa!
Whoa! Flaming reindeer.
You don't see that every day.
Hey Chris, it's Samantha. I just talked to my sponsor
and I owe you an apology.
It's Samantha... Call me...
It's Samantha!
Hello, Joyce?
Joyce?
Go away.
Go away!
Mom, I said I have a tummy ache.
Well that was an interesting Christmas.
I'm sorry. I'll pay for everything.
I'm not here to collect.
What are you doing here?
I want to talk to the guy who wrote me this.
- Want some more? - No. Gallon's my limit.
Oh, excuse me if I'm not one of your stick models.
"I'm Chris Brander. I hang out with Good Charlotte and Pink.
- I go to Jay Z's birthday party..." - Okay, okay. All right.
- Thank you very much. I get it. I was lame. - Yeah.
Actually, I was nervous, but, more importantly,
does this hat make me look fat?
So...
is your life everything you'd hoped it'd be?
I always thought that if I had a huge career
and famous clients and tons of money
that I'd be happy.
And the truth is...
I was right.
I love it. Especially the money.
You're so bad!
What about you?
Let's put you in the hot seat?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Um, well, I see myself teaching.
And I see myself getting married
and raising a family.
What?
It's gettin' late.
Why don't I take you home?
Or...
I could sleep over like old times.
God.
Hi.
- Here we are. - Yeah.
Yeah.
This is it.
You're finally gonna have sex with Jamie Palamino.
Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body.
Why are you smiling like a friggin' idiot?
Go on, make a move.
Make a move!
What's on your mind?
Bush.
President Bush, The First Family, really.
Dude, you're killing me!
This is the girl of your dreams. Ravish her!
But what if she doesn't want to be ravished?
What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other?
Friends watch "New Year's Rockin' Eve."
I wonder who's hosting this year?
Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.
Yeah.
Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold.
This is it.
Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's gonna be.
- Chris. - Oh, God. Oh, God.
What're you doing? Where're you going?
- Is everything all right? - Oh, everything's fine.
Yeah. You okay? You need another blanket or anything?
No, I'm fine.
You're not gonna make a move, are you?
- Good night, Jamie. - Good night, Chris.
You don't deserve a penis.
God, and we had this great night
and we were laughing
and we were showing each other old pictures and...
- Did he try anything? - No!
- Did you try anything? - No, but I put myself out there.
I mean, I wore the sexy white shirt
and I did the whole cold-feet move and we slept in the same bed.
What the hell is wrong with you? I mean, why didn't you sleep with her?
- Oh, I know. I had her. - I mean, are you two
on the same menstrual cycle yet or what?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Maybe I just don't compare to these L.A. Girls.
Look, the timing just wasn't right, you know?
I'm... I'm laying there. I'm about to make my move
and then suddenly it just hits me.
Where's this going?
What happens after we sleep together?
Does she move to L.A.? Do I move back here?
Jesus, Dude. I thought you just wanted to sleep with her.
Maybe he just wants to be friends.
Maybe he's gay.
I can't just sleep with Jamie Palamino. We have a history.
- We're... we're... we're... we're... - Friends.
God damn it!
I'm right back in high school again, you know?
I gotta follow my own advice. I gotta just walk away.
No, put me on the 3:00.
The sooner I get out of here, the better.
- You sure about this? - No.
¶ When Janice smiles... ¶
- Janice? - ¶ I realize ¶
¶ She's no ordinary ¶
¶ Girl. ¶
Hey listen. I gotta hang out
with my friends over there, okay?
- I'll talk to you tonight. - Whoo!
- What's up, homies? - You tell me.
- What's with the nurse? - Oh, Janice.
Another bee in the hive, my friend,
- just another bee. - Well, what about Jamie?
What about her? I mean, hey,
it's great, right? Two biggest geeks back in the day
now finally have a shot with the hottest chick in high school?
- You can't write that stuff, my friend. - Hey, are you kidding me?
Oh, come on, man. Cut the nice guy routine.
I know what you're up to and I am all for it.
I mean it is gonna be sweet revenge on Jamie Palamino
for keeping us in the friend zone all those years.
Oh, yeah, you wish you were in the friend zone.
I was in the friend zone. Friend zone's mine.
- Dusty, popcorn's ready. - Copy that, I'm mobile.
- Listen, I gotta run. - The man's juice!
You guys have a nice time. It's been nice seeing you.
Have fun with Jamie. I know I will. Clark, always a pleasure.
- Dinkleman. - Son of a bitch.
So we're looking at day cares.
And Darla's got this one picked out for TJ and it's great.
And you know, don't get me wrong, I want the best for my kid.
I mean he deserves the best
but Tiny Tots is just too... oh, Mariah Carey!
What the hell are you doing?!
This is a Pontiac Grand Prix!
I'm sorry, okay?!
But I can't let Dinkleman get away with this!
I refuse to sit back and let Jamie get used by another asshole!
You could've asked! L.A. Guys are so dramatic.
- I'm sorry! - Okay.
- ¶ Christmas, Christmas... ¶ - Oh my God.
You know, one good snowfall and you won't see any of this.
¶ Where sleigh bells ringing and go jingle-ling ¶
¶ Spreading Christmas cheer. ¶
Hi, Mr. Palamino. How are you?
Come to destroy the rest of the house?
Look, I'm really sorry about yesterday.
- Ho-ho-ho. - And that.
Look, I know you hate me, but I need to speak with Jamie. Where is she?
- She's gone off with Mr. Lee. - Dry cleaner?
- No. Dusty, you jackass. - Where are they?
- ¶ I've been workin' on the railroad... ¶ - No, Chris! This way.
¶ All the livelong day ¶
¶ I've been workin' on the railroad ¶
¶ Just to pass the time away ¶
¶ Can't you hear the whistle blowing?
¶ Rise so early in the morn' ¶
- Dinkleman! - ¶ Can't you hear the captain shouting? ¶
- Chris, what're you doing here? - I need to talk to you.
Dusty!
Yes!
- I really need to speak with you! - This next number
- is for your favorite teacher and mine. - Let's go.
She put this wonderful concert together for all of us.
Give a big round of applause to Miss Jamie Palamino.
¶ When Jamie smiles ¶
¶ It takes me miles ¶
¶ From where I've... ¶
God, I still can't believe he wrote me that song.
Oh I can. He's been working on that song since high school, remember?
It's like the stalker's national anthem.
Not to mention I already heard that song today,
only it was Janice's eyes that made him smile.
- Janice? Who's Janice? - A nurse with really big boobs
that works at the medical center. A girl I saw him kissing earlier tonight.
Dusty's a Jersey player, Jamie!
He's out for revenge on you
for putting him in the friend zone in high school.
What are you talking about?
The guy's looking for the anger bang!
Amazing! That's exactly what he said about you.
- Don't you see what's happening here? - Oh, I don't know.
The guy's just out-playing me, that's all.
Oh, it's about you! Now he's out-playing you!
- W-what am I, a game? - No!
Would you guys like to join us in a carol
- to celebrate the birth of our Lord? - No!
My God, don't! Dusty! Don't!
- Dinkleman! - What is the matter with you?
This is a Christmas concert for children!
- You liar! - Suckster's not your boyfriend, is he?
- No, he's not! - 'Cause we like Dusty.
Dusty! Dusty! Dusty! Dusty!
Dusty! Dusty! Dusty...!
I'm being framed! I'm being framed!
- Dusty! - Dinkleman!
Man, when you come back to town, you come back to town!
Look, don't sweat it.
W-w-we'll go to The Maple tonight
You can apologize to Jamie
and everything will be just... just peachy.
Okay, yep, good. Thanks, Clark, for everything.
See you in another 10 years. Guess not.
How'd it go with Jamie last night? You boink her?
That would be a no.
Raise you hand if your brother's a homo!
All right. Keep in touch!
You believe that? Not one taxi, not one.
Stupid town. I gotta take the bus!
Dude, bus sucks!
Yes! I am outta here!
So long, Sucktown! Kiss my ass!
Hey, Mr. Bus Driver Man.
Hey...
pull my finger. Come on, pull my finger.
- Aw! - Yoo-hoo!
- Great. - Jamie!
- Whoa, miss, miss. W-w-whoa. - What? What, what, wha...
- what, Chris? What do you want? - I just want to apologize.
I'm sorry. I was out of line, okay?
- You're an asshole. - Oh, my... I was...
I'm gonna get you a cab and take you home.
- She's so sensitive! - You blew it. I'm winning.
- You're the Devil. - So go ahead, just go sleep it off.
You'll be right as rain in the morning, brother.
Chris, you're drunk! Go home!
I'm not drunk. What's this?
"Simply Dusty"
Is there any other kind? That's adorable.
Do you know what else is adorable? You two.
Hey! Stop bringing Dusty into your problems, okay?
Dusty and I are fine.
- Dusty and I are friends. - Right!
- Not for too long, I hope. - Yeah...
Wait, what?
Slow down. What did you just say?
Jamie, listen, I've been meaning to talk to you.
L... about our relationship.
Maybe we could take the next step or something?
Dusty, can I be honest with you?
- I think you're a really nice guy. - Thank you.
I think you're funny and charming and sweet,
and I just don't have those feelings for you.
- You're kidding. - No.
Okay, 'cause... cause I wrote you that song and everything,
you know, and I worked really hard on it
and what kind of girl would you be if you didn't put out for the guy that wrote
you that song, you know what mean?
F-this. I'm mobile.
I'm gonna miss him!
What?
Get off me, Chris! Why are you here?
Why do you keep messing with my head?
I messed with your head for three days.
You've been torturing me since the sixth grade!
So that's what this is about?
Because I wouldn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!
Oh, after years of you being the biggest tease,
trust me, I'm so over myself.
Oh, so now I'm the tease.
I practically throw myself at you
the other night and you did nothing!
And now you know how it feels.
I'm outta here.
Yeah, there you go. Just walk away like you always do!
Oh, no no no. I'm-I'm not walking away.
I'm running back to my great life in L.A.!
- Great. Well, have fun. - Oh, you have fun...
being the girl who peaked in high school.
You slap like a cheerleader.
Bye, Chris.
And stay out!
I've always wanted to say that.
How did you get in here?
My bodyguard let me in.
I was making cookies.
Oh, I was trying to be all domesticated
like that skank you were banging behind my back.
Please leave me alone.
No, sh-sh-sh-sh!
Hugs and kisses!
It's all good, baby, it's all good.
By making me jealous on purpose you inspire me to write the best songs,
you know, full of angst and hate!
You like that. You and I are gonna be
the greatest musical manager team
since Jessica Simpson and her father...
only we get to "mreow" and they can't,
'cause it's illegal. I looked it up.
This is the new and improved "Forgiveness."
¶ Forgiveness ¶
¶ Is more than sayin' sorry ¶
Are you sorry? Ha ha!
¶ Forgiveness. ¶
- No. - No?
- No more. - But I've forgiven you!
- It's just like the song... - Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh...
This isn't about you.
It's cool, you can have other girls. I like girls.
Darla!
I don't want other girls.
I want one girl.
- That's not you. - Hmph.
Look. I'll call...
Ouch.
- Why don't you like me? - It's a little hard to answer
with a taser in my balls!
This is about Santa's little whore, isn't it?
Yeah, it's go time.
Hey, hey, hey! It's not go time!
This isn't how it works, Samantha.
You can't force or-or torture someone into liking you.
The big speech.
No! You just have to put yourself out there
and hope that they like you back.
This isn't a game! This is my life!
Oh, yeah, well, this is my life!
Okay? I'm sorry.
I'm not the most boring person ever!
Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor!
I'm sorry...
I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass!
I'm sorry I'm not... where're you going?
¶ Missed the last train home ¶
¶ Birds pass by to tell me that I'm not alone ¶
¶ Well, I'm pushing myself to finish this part... ¶
Hey! Hey, where is she?
¶ I handle a lot walking on this ¶
¶ It's in your eyes, open your eyes ¶
¶ Open eyes, open your eyes ¶
¶ Open your eyes ¶
¶ Open your eyes. ¶
Hi.
Jamie. Look, Jamie!
I said a lot of really crappy things the other night
and I'm sorry about that.
I haven't been a very good friend to you and I'm sorry, okay?
I just... the truth is I'm-I'm afraid to be your friend
'cause I'm always gonna want more.
But then I got to thinking that-that
I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.
You know what? That's a lie too.
Why are you back here?
Because I want to take you on a date.
And I don't care if it's in the day or at night
or whenever, as long as it's a real date.
And I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are inside and out.
And I want to have babies with you
and I want to marry you and I love you.
Jamie, I always have.
Sorry. Just,...
20 years all at once!
Unbelievable!
Suckster's making out with Mrs. P!
What is she thinking?
- Hey, Sarah, do you want my last cookie? - Oh, thanks, Brett!
Joey, do you want some of my cookie?
Don't mind if I do.
- You're such a good friend, Brett. - The bestest!
Shit!
¶ I swear ¶
¶ By the moon and the stars ¶
¶ In the skies ¶
¶ I'll be there ¶
¶ And I swear ¶
¶ Like the shadow ¶
¶ That's by your side ¶
¶ I'll be there ¶
¶ For better or worse ¶
¶ Till death do us part ¶
¶ I'll love you with every beat of my heart ¶
¶ And I swear ¶
¶ I'll give you everything ¶
¶ I can ¶
¶ I'll build your dreams ¶
¶ With these two hands ¶
¶ We'll hang some memories ¶
¶ On the walls ¶
- ¶ And when ¶ - ¶ And when ¶
¶ Just the two of us are there ¶
¶ You won't have to ask ¶
¶ If I still care ¶
¶ 'Cause as the time turns the page ¶
¶ My love won't age at all ¶
- ¶ And I swear ¶ - ¶ And I swear ¶
¶ By the moon and the stars ¶
¶ In the skies ¶
- ¶ I'll be there ¶ - ¶ I'll be there ¶
- ¶ And I swear ¶ - ¶ And I swear ¶
¶ Like the shadow that's by your side ¶
- ¶ I'll be there ¶ - ¶ I'll be there ¶
¶ For better or worse ¶
¶ Till death do us part ¶
¶ I'll love you with every beat of my heart ¶
- ¶ And I swear ¶ - ¶ Oh, yeah ¶
¶ And I swear ¶
¶ By the moon and the stars ¶
¶ In the skies ¶
- ¶ I'll be there ¶ - ¶ I'll be there ¶
¶ And I swear ¶
¶ Like the shadow ¶
- ¶ That's by your side ¶ - ¶ That's by your side ¶
- ¶ I'll be there ¶ - ¶ I'll be there ¶
- ¶ For better or worse ¶ - ¶ Better or worse ¶
- ¶ Till death do us part ¶ - ¶ Oh no ¶
¶ I'll love you with every beat of my heart ¶
¶ And I swear ¶
¶ I swear ¶
¶ Oh, whoa, I... ¶
¶ Swear. ¶
Mike!
¶ Forgiveness ¶
¶ Is more than saying sorry ¶
¶ Sorry sorry sorry ¶
¶ Forgiveness ¶
¶ Means accepting people's flaws ¶
¶ Flaws flaws flaws ¶
¶ To forgive is divine ¶
¶ So let's have a glass of wine ¶
¶ And have makeup sex ¶
¶ Until the end of ¶
¶ Time ¶
¶ Forgiveness ¶
¶ Does not mean compromising ¶
¶ Let's forgive and forget ¶
¶ And solve this African debt ¶
¶ Just like the Cheshire Cat ¶
¶ Who says, "Mreow! You're running out of time!" ¶
¶ Time time time time time, wreeow! ¶
¶ Forgiveness ¶
You'll always be fat to me, Chris!
¶ Forgiveness ¶
God damn it! Come on, Dusty.
¶ Forgiveness ¶
Not happy!
¶ Forgiveness ¶
Hello, Joyce? Joyce?
Oh my God!
Then said Jesus, "Father, forgive them
for they know not what they do."
If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?
I won't apologize.
I don't forgive you.
You can forgive, but you can't forget.
Where are you?
¶ Forgiveness ¶